A Documentary of How the World Is Going to End
by RoyXFirestormXBlaze
Summary: By Mr. Kabuto Yukashi. I would like to say, YES, it was because of me that zombies are now infesting your closet. And no, they won't come out.  Kabuto's plan to begin a zombie apocolypse results in... Naruto OMFG I'M NOT GOING TO SAY WHO HE ENDS UP WITH
1. Prologue

Kabuto exhaled deeply. It had been a long time since he starred in a half-decent fanfic. And what was he going to do? Take over the world? Capture Sasuke? Burn Konoha to the ground? Nope, he was about to succumb to the most overused, yet totally awesome theme ever created in media, books, tv, video games, and movies.

Zombie Apocalypse.

Konoha

Time: Nine in the Afternoon

Place: Naruto's apartment

"Ohhhhh, god, never againnnnnnnnn," groaned Naruto, clutching his head after a night of drinking. He didn't even know what time it was, because the lights of his alarm clock was too bright for his hungover state, and every time he looked, he threw up. So he assumed it was nine in the afternoon, because he was still a little drunk. Now, for all those people who watch anime, guess what is going to happen? That's right, a flashback!

Readers: NOOOOOOOOO! GET TO THE (Insert swear word here)-ING ZOMBIE KILLING!

Me: Fine, have in your way ***holes. But we still have plot development

Readers: Fine. *grumble grumble*

And then Naruto passed out. There's your plot development.

Konoha

Time: 8: 30 A. M.

Place: Tsunade's Office

Status: Code Red

"Tsunade?" Shizune inquired, peeking her head inside the Fifth Hokage's office. "I got your message, and, um, what does, 'Zombies are taking over the world' mean? Because I was kind of confused, and OH HOLY MOTHER****ING JUSUS!" Shrieked Shizune, as she found Tsunade... passed out drunk because of all the sake she drank. Not being eaten by zombies.

Yet.

Readers: Why is everybody in the story DRUNK? Are you, like a recovering alcoholic or something?

Me: Noooo... *hides bottle of gin* It's, um, an important plot device! Yeah... heh, heh...

Time: 9: 30 A.M

Place: Konoha Maximum Security Prison

The security guard watched as a cloaked man walked up to him. He wasn't afraid. It wasn't as though the cloaked man was a crazy medic hosting a psychotic deranged scientist snake thing who was about to use the inmates in the prison to raise the dead. Nope. It definitely wasn't that. It was probably a Canadian.

Which was what he was thinking as he got his throat slit open.

"One in my army," grinned the man. Who isn't Kabuto.

Readers: WE KNOW IT'S KABUTO. GOD why do you have to be so obvious?

Me: You know what... shut up and let me tell my story!

Readers: NOOOOOO.

Me: Well, then... I didn't want to have to use this...*take out puppy*

Readers: *look curiously*

Me: *stabs puppy*

Readers: NOOOOOOO! *run away screaming*

Me: *Takes out fake knife* Heh, heh... suckers.


	2. Breaking the Fourth Wall And Hinata

It was a fine day, which Sakura thought as odd, because considering Konoha got blown up and attacked in about every other arc, where were the homeless people? The orphans? The ambulances? And most importantly, the male prostitutes?(1)

But Sakura had no time for plot holes today, because she had purchased a minor plot device.

Sakura had been walking in an antique shop, when she looked past the flying cars, and the laser guns, and her half-dead old grand daughter from the future(2), and noticed a video camera.

Then, Zelda theme music began to play, and a line of text appeared over the camera. "You have found a plot device!"

So Sakura purchased it. Plot devices always came in handy!

Neji was slouching at the training grounds, thinking about fate, destiny, and the indigestion he had from that last burrito(4), when an annoying voice pulled him out of his stomach pains.

"Neji-kun! Look at this new camera I bought! See, I'm recording you right now!" squealed Sakura.

"Interesting." Neji admitted. "Is that why this fan fiction is called 'A Documentary of How the World is Going to End'?

"Yup!" Said Sakura.

"Then who was filming the story before you bought the camera?"

Dead silence.

A generic stalker came out of the shadows. Neji killed him.

And so that problem was resolved.

Meanwhile, Kabuto was realizing that, as a main character, he should have more screen time. Even if he only got to be in front of security cameras.

So the story goes back to him.

Meh.

"With all these sacrifices, I could revive an army of ninja! I would have an invincible army! And take over the world! And then destroy it!"(5)

Kabuto surveyed all of the off-screen slaughtered inmates, and began the Reanimation Technique.

He forgot one thing.

Breath mints(6). And therefore, through some convoluted weird explosion-chain-reaction thing worthy of Yu-Gi-Oh!(7) and Fullmetal Alchemist combines, all of the army that he reanimated became... dramatic cliffhanger!

Readers: Oh come on! We know he created an army of zombies!

Idiotic Readers: Spoiler alert, assholes!

Me: Do I need to kill another puppy!

Naruto woke up, with the worst hangover of his life gone, for the sake of the plot. Speaking of sake, Tsunade was still passed out, which was for the sake of Shizune getting some semi-necrophelic lesbian action.

Isn't sake fun? I think I'll use it again. SAKE! But back to the story.

Naruto looked out the window, wondering if it was possible to get drunk again, this time on ramen sauce, when he noticed Hinata outside, staring at him very creepily.

Then she got mauled by zombies.

And the apocalypse starts.

Now, time for Zombie 101 class with Shikamaru!

Student #1: What does "101" stand for?

Shikamaru: ...anyone have any real questions?

Student #2: What is a zombie's weakness?

Shikamaru: Girls don't find them attractive, so they can't reproduce.

Student #2: Why aren't they attractive?

Shikamaru: Seriously? They are PILES OF ROTTING FLESH THAT WANT TO EAT YOU! WHO WOULD FIND THAT SHIT ATTRACTIVE?

Bella Swan slowly raised her hand from the back of the classroom.

And was promptly shot in the eye with a crossbow bolt.

Shikamaru calmly said: "You wanted a live execution of a zombie. I gave it to you."

Pwned.

Of course, Shikamaru, so caught up in his class, forgot to mention that the most powerful sense a zombie has is its sense of smell.

And so, the army of zombies that have conveniently not been noticed yet marched to Ino's flower shop.

Less dramatic cliffhanger.

Footnotes!

(1) Only to Sakura.

(2) Yes, Sakura does get laid in the future. By... *gets held at knifepoint by various shippers* ...ummm, it's a secret!(3)

(3) Wow, Sakura has shippers?

(4) The burrito was from the store Marco Fell. Which isn't Taco Bell. It was founded after the founder's friend Marco fell over and died from food poisoning. From a burrito he ate at Taco Bell.

(5)Kabuto had always wanted to be his father, Stereotypical Villain #11536. His father had a dream to take over the world and then destroy it. But he failed. Like Stereotypical Villains #1-11535.

(6) Breath mints are the source of ultimate power. Never forget that. Ever.

(7) Confused? In Yu-Gi-Oh!, with my Catapult Turtle I can launch my Dragon Champion towards your castle, shattering its flotation ring thereby causing it to collapse on your monsters. And that wasn't one of the T-S shirts at SharkRobot. Nope.


End file.
